If you had told me when I was 24 or younger, that when I was 40, I would do the following A L L on the same day (and in less than two hours) I never would have believed you.
Why would I not have believed you?
What I remember about being young (and the thoughts about being a grown up) involved having a job/career. I never really put a lot of thought into "dream weddings" nor did I really like playing with dolls. I had college-bound thinking, with a career to follow. What it meant to be a "wife" or a "mom" never really came into my thoughts. Of course, I hoped to have a husband someday. But as to the particulars of what that meant. It never really took up much of my thinking. Which I suppose is fairly odd considering I was raised a Latter-Day Saint where much of our talk was about families and all that goes along with it. I suppose that all felt so far away. Always in the future. Nor did a lot of thought go into making sure that husband made a lot of money. I suppose partly because I thought that I would have a career and I never really cared a lot about money. Especially after my awesome stint living in New York City.
What did I care about?
To be honest, I don't really know what I thought about. As a child, I suppose living for the moment was what I did. In my teens and 20's, I made a lot more goals and lived in the future much more so than I do now. Looking back, I'd say that I liked to have genuine experiences and genuine friends. I like the real thing. No faking it here.
Present tense living is where I am now and it's rather strange to be in such a place. Especially in this day and age. Everyone is always asking about plans for the future.
This morning, I woke up with no plans in particular during the day, except going to see Liam sing at the Jubilee of Tree. Scarlett fell asleep at 10am, which rarely happens, and was still asleep at 11:15am, thus going to see the Sunset Express went out the window. Along with my telling Liam that I would be there. I wasn't there. I wish I had been. My morning was dull, boring, and uneventful. I had no motivation to do anything when there was everything (in the house) that needed my assistance. I'm over it.
Not being able to go see Liam (and keeping my word) really got me moving.
Opening the fridge and finding the rest of the corn, from M Y garden, that needed to be blanched and frozen or eaten. I'll start there. (It's already been over a week since we husked it.)
'What the heck is blanched?' That is what past tense Tana would have said, along with other correlating subject matter. 'Cooking? Gardening? Being one of the CEO's of a family of five children. What the what?' That's what I would have said and looked at you with a quizzical expression because I was going to be a career woman and whatever went a long with that. The art of being a "household manager" -- what is that?
Corn blanched. Hmmm...should we have that for dinner. Along with...the fish in the freezer that I do not know what to do with...and some rice. Ok.
But first, there is a whole heck-of-a-lot-of-apples-cut-from-last-weeks-party-that-did-not-get-eaten. I didn't want to throw them away, it's like throwing money away, but I didn't want to eat the soggy old things. So, let's make apple pie filling. Ta-da! It's like magic. Turning soggy, week old apple slices into delicious, caramel goodness.
Again. This is something that present Tana knows exactly what to do. But would I E V E R have thought that this would be a part of my future. Nope. I suppose I thought food magically appeared on the table. I roll my eyes at past Tana.
Apple pie filling done. Also, the rice was in the crock pot, the fish (unfrozen and seasoned the way some recipe on the internet said was good) in the oven.
Now, time to make Laundry Detergent.
Friday, November 17, 2017
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
just 45 seconds
I saved my baby's life tonight.
I was in the girls room doing a detail cleaning job. Organizing the boxes, containers, and bags that India fills up with all sorts of things.
Skye was tickling Scarlett on the bed. Scarlett was laughing, and then she started to cry/laugh, and Skye grabbed her around the waist and tried to put her on her lap. But Scarlett was struggling to get away.
"Let her go, Skye."
Scarlett stood up and looked up at me. I looked at the bed, there was a small piece of a green Jolly Rancher. I thought that was why Scarlett was upset. Because her candy fell out of her mouth. But her cries turned to terror, and she did the long cry where you are thinking "Breathe! Breathe!"
Aaron came running into the room. Scarlett's face was frozen in a wail. She never drew any breath in. "She can't breathe!" Aaron said.
I grabbed her and flipped her upside down and pat her back 2-3 times. Her whole body went slack. I put my arm around her to feel in her throat. Her mouth was clamped shut. "I can't get her mouth open!" I forced my finger into her teeth and pulled her mouth apart. Stuck my finger into the back of her throat and swept back and forth. All I felt was her tonsils. No foreign object.
I flipped her onto her back. She was laying slack on the bed. Her eyes were glassy, wide open. Her mouth and lower cheeks a blue-ish color. I could've sworn, I heard Aaron say, "We are losing her!"
I did two chest compressions. And she started to cry.
And cry. The most glorious sound.
As I sat cuddling her on the bed, I realized the severity of what had just occurred. From the time the tickling to the chest compressions was a matter of 45 seconds. I began crying. Aaron said that all he had said was "NO! NO! NO!" So either I thought "We are losing her" or this was whispered into my consciousness so that I would take action.
As we talked about what happened, the only thing we can figure is that she had found another Jolly Rancher and had it in her mouth, along with the green one that fell out of her mouth onto the bed, and while being tickled it got lodged in her throat.
India, sidled up to me and said, "You need to call Grandma."
"What? Did you say I need to call Grandma?"
"Yes. You need to call Grandma. Your mom. And tell her what happened."
This sweet angel of a girl is only five years old. And my one year old Scarlett lives tonight to see another day.
To say I am humbled and grateful do not fully encompass how I feel tonight.
My baby is alive.
I was in the girls room doing a detail cleaning job. Organizing the boxes, containers, and bags that India fills up with all sorts of things.
Skye was tickling Scarlett on the bed. Scarlett was laughing, and then she started to cry/laugh, and Skye grabbed her around the waist and tried to put her on her lap. But Scarlett was struggling to get away.
"Let her go, Skye."
Scarlett stood up and looked up at me. I looked at the bed, there was a small piece of a green Jolly Rancher. I thought that was why Scarlett was upset. Because her candy fell out of her mouth. But her cries turned to terror, and she did the long cry where you are thinking "Breathe! Breathe!"
Aaron came running into the room. Scarlett's face was frozen in a wail. She never drew any breath in. "She can't breathe!" Aaron said.
I grabbed her and flipped her upside down and pat her back 2-3 times. Her whole body went slack. I put my arm around her to feel in her throat. Her mouth was clamped shut. "I can't get her mouth open!" I forced my finger into her teeth and pulled her mouth apart. Stuck my finger into the back of her throat and swept back and forth. All I felt was her tonsils. No foreign object.
I flipped her onto her back. She was laying slack on the bed. Her eyes were glassy, wide open. Her mouth and lower cheeks a blue-ish color. I could've sworn, I heard Aaron say, "We are losing her!"
I did two chest compressions. And she started to cry.
And cry. The most glorious sound.
As I sat cuddling her on the bed, I realized the severity of what had just occurred. From the time the tickling to the chest compressions was a matter of 45 seconds. I began crying. Aaron said that all he had said was "NO! NO! NO!" So either I thought "We are losing her" or this was whispered into my consciousness so that I would take action.
As we talked about what happened, the only thing we can figure is that she had found another Jolly Rancher and had it in her mouth, along with the green one that fell out of her mouth onto the bed, and while being tickled it got lodged in her throat.
India, sidled up to me and said, "You need to call Grandma."
"What? Did you say I need to call Grandma?"
"Yes. You need to call Grandma. Your mom. And tell her what happened."
This sweet angel of a girl is only five years old. And my one year old Scarlett lives tonight to see another day.
To say I am humbled and grateful do not fully encompass how I feel tonight.
My baby is alive.
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